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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kim
    Jan 20, 2019 @ 07:22:32

    Hel­lo, I am seek­ing under­stand­ing and infor­ma­tion. My oyfriend has nev­er been faith­ful to me, yet I know he loves and val­ues me, as I do him. I have strug­gled with this because I have been pro­grammed into monogamy, and so I see it as cheat­ing. We have bro­ken up and got­ten back togeth­er so many times that I think I need to take a dif­fer­ent view of things. I have been try­ing to google info, and dis­cov­ered that I did­n’t know the right ques­tion to ask. Then I came upon the term polyamorous. I have looked back in my life to when I had more than one boyfriend that I loved and slept with. While we nev­er dis­cussed it, one always knew that I had anoth­er lover and it still worked out. So I under­stand where he is com­ing from. We have talked about his lat­est oth­er woman, and it sounds like they did sex­u­al things that I don’t want to do. Although he says it is over with her, I have plen­ty of evi­dence that it is not. So I am won­der how to breach this con­vers­sa­tion with him about polyamorous­ness. I don’t want any oth­er man, but if he needs what he is doing, I want him to be hap­py and also home­st about it so he does­n’t have to feel dis­hon­est or guilty. Any ideas? Thank you.

    Reply

    • cyn
      Jan 20, 2019 @ 17:53:37

      Hi Kim. Thanks for writ­ing.

      It sounds like you’re real­ly try­ing hard to make this rela­tion­ship work. I respect that. But is he try­ing as hard as you are?

      It may be help­ful to send him a link to an arti­cle or two explain­ing polyamory. Ask him if y’all can set up a time to dis­cuss the arti­cles.

      If he’s inter­est­ed in polyamory, I’d sug­gest tak­ing time to work out explic­it agree­ments regard­ing what both of you want in a rela­tion­ship. You would need to spend time in advance think­ing about what you want, and what your bound­aries are. Are you okay with him see­ing oth­er women as long as he’s hon­est about them? Do you want to meet them, or just know that they’re in his life? What are your thoughts about safer sex prac­tices?

      I wish you the best of luck!

      Reply

  2. A
    Mar 07, 2019 @ 09:04:27

    I’m curi­ous what’s your opin­ion about rais­ing chil­dren as a poly fam­i­ly in a monog­a­mous soci­ety. Could you write an arti­cle on that?

    Reply

    • cyn
      Apr 27, 2019 @ 02:55:57

      Obvi­ous­ly, I don’t think it’s unrea­son­able to raise chil­dren in a polyamorous fam­i­ly, even though our soci­ety sees monogamy as the default. I did it, and my daugh­ter has thrived through­out her life.

      I’ll con­sid­er writ­ing that arti­cle, though. Thank you for the sug­ges­tion.

      Reply

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