Creating Intentional Community

Else­where I’ve spouted off about home and what I think it is and should be. I believe the home is the most basic build­ing block of community—and that we need com­mu­nity. Far more com­mu­nity than most of us actu­ally expe­ri­ence in our day to day lives.

I’ve dreamed of liv­ing in an inten­tional com­mu­nity since I first heard of them as a child. I wished my oh-so-conservative par­ents were flower chil­dren and would move us to a com­mune. I devoured Robert Heinlein’s Time Enough for Love and Fri­day and The Moon is a Harsh Mis­tress and Robert Rimmer’s nov­els and kept wish­ing, gath­er­ing a men­tal wish list of how I’d like to live.

I still haven’t lived in a com­mune, and doubt I ever will—but I still hope that my part­ner and our chil­dren and I will some day find or be part of cre­at­ing an inten­tional community.

You might not have run across the phrase inten­tional com­mu­nity (IC) before, and be won­der­ing why I’d dif­fer­en­ti­ate between an IC and a com­mune, so I sup­pose I should explain. Mem­bers of an IC have cho­sen to live in close prox­im­ity to each other in order to build a true sense of com­mu­nity, to explore what­ever level of inter­de­pen­dence that com­mu­nity has cho­sen, to share resources, and to build rela­tion­ships. Some ICs may involve shar­ing a dwelling and some involve pri­vate homes clus­tered together with shared com­mon spaces. They may involve two or three nuclear fam­i­lies com­ing together to help each other, three or more adults and their off­spring liv­ing as one fam­ily, or 20 or more fam­i­lies buy­ing into a con­do­minium development—there’s a lot of vari­ety. Some ICs may be built around a com­mon reli­gious faith, oth­ers around a com­mon inter­est (artist’s colonies and so on), oth­ers around polit­i­cal philoso­phies, and oth­ers sim­ply due to rela­tion­ships among the indi­vid­u­als involved.

Examples:

None of these groups are per­fect. They all have their good and not-so-good points—but they’re all ICs. What they have in com­mon is that none of these peo­ple are alone. None of them are iso­lated. In the last three exam­ples, nobody is strug­gling to han­dle life with­out a human sup­port sys­tem. They don’t have latchkey chil­dren unless that’s by choice. If their cars break down, they don’t worry about who to call for help. If they’re ill or injured, their com­mu­nity ral­lies around them to help. If they have a new baby, they have many peo­ple with whom to cel­e­brate the child’s birth.

Now, I don’t really want to live in the first kind of IC, sim­ply because it isn’t enough com­mu­nity for me—the sec­ond and third exam­ples are much closer to my own dreams. And I don’t really think some­body can build a place, say “buy prop­erty here and you’re part of a com­mu­nity!” and have it work. (Most of those places are pretty darned expen­sive, too.) Still, they are enough com­mu­nity for some people.

What we have, at the moment, is a loose net­work of friends who are more like fam­ily, peo­ple whose kids we will take at a moment’s notice when their nor­mal child­care falls through. Peo­ple with whom we cel­e­brate our reli­gious hol­i­days. Peo­ple who help each other move and bor­row each other’s vehi­cles when needed. Peo­ple who can trust each other with keys to their houses and who don’t hes­i­tate to hug or rep­ri­mand each other’s chil­dren as needed. We are close enough to one fam­ily that being near them will def­i­nitely be a decid­ing fac­tor when it’s time for us to move again. We’re close enough to a sin­gle friend that our kids call him “Uncle” and his motor­cy­cle stays parked in our garage. Other friends have a stand­ing invi­ta­tion to stay the night or stay the week, as needed, when­ever they’re in town. When their every­day child­care arrangemets need adjust­ing (somebody’s sick, it’s a school hol­i­day, they have busi­ness trips, etc.) I expect that they’ll give us an oppor­tu­nity to enjoy their children’s company.

Hon­estly, I’d be thrilled if we could all find homes in one neigh­bor­hood. As a child, I lived within walk­ing dis­tance of three aunts and one grand­mother, and it was marvelous—I’d love to have a sim­i­lar sit­u­a­tion for our kids and those of our friends. I’m not hold­ing my breath, but I hope it hap­pens some­day. Shar­ing a huge home with enough per­sonal and com­mu­nal space for more than one nuclear fam­ily would be even bet­ter, but those kinds of houses are few and far between and we’re not able to design and build our own right now. But I do keep dreaming.

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